Can't He Just Be Having a Bad Day?

There are days when my son is just off. You know the ones, nothing seems to please him, he's more sensitive than usual, or the slightest thing just sets him off. And every time, without fail, the questions come:

“Is he ill?”

“Has something happened?”

“Do you think it’s sensory?”

“Is this normal?”

“Do you want to speak to a doctor?”

I understand. I really do. These questions come from a place of care, from people trying to help, from professionals doing their jobs and loved ones wanting to support us. And yes, as a parent of a child with complex needs, I’ve been trained to assess, to observe, to prepare for worst-case scenarios. But sometimes… can’t he just be having a bad day?

Neurotypical kids have bad days and no one rushes to find a deeper explanation. We accept that some days are harder than others. Some days kids are grumpy, tired, moody, clingy, or just out of sorts, and that’s okay. But when your child has a diagnosis, every wobble is dissected like a case study. Every off moment becomes a red flag. And it’s exhausting.

It creates this impossible pressure to constantly analyse him. To always be “on.” I can’t just parent from the gut, I’m expected to document, track, explain, justify. It’s not enough to say “he’s just not himself today.” I have to come armed with reasons, solutions, backup plans. Sometimes I find myself second-guessing a moment that’s probably just human, because the world around him - and around us - expects complexity.

But not everything needs to be complex. He’s a child. A person. And sometimes people just wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

So this is just a gentle reminder. For myself, and maybe for others too. Sometimes, there isn’t a big explanation. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is give our children, especially our SEND children, the space to just feel. Without the pressure of diagnosis or intervention. Without panic. Without a search party for answers.

Just like you and me, they’re allowed a little grace for an off day.

And so are we.