When Strangers Stare: Navigating Invasive Questions

Being a parent is challenging enough, but when you're navigating the complexities of raising a child with additional needs, it can feel like an entirely different ball game. One of the most unexpected challenges I've encountered is the constant barrage of invasive questions from strangers.

Elias, my eldest, was born with vocal cord palsy following heart surgery. The resulting loud, raspy breathing often caused alarm and prompted a flood of questions in public places. Initially, I was overwhelmed and defensive, feeling exposed and vulnerable. A particularly harrowing experience in Specsavers left me sobbing on the high street, my confidence shattered.

I developed a sharp, defensive response, bluntly informing questioners about Elias's condition and leaving them to feel awkward. While this provided temporary relief, it was an exhausting approach.

My younger son, while typically developing, wears a helmet due to positional plagiocephaly (flat skull syndrome). This, too, invites a fresh wave of curiosity. It's as if our children's differences are open invitations for public dissection.

So, how do we, as complex parents, deal with these intrusive inquiries? Should we even bother?

The truth is, there's no easy answer. Some days, the energy it takes to respond feels overwhelming. Other days, a brief explanation might foster understanding and acceptance. Ultimately, the decision of how to respond is personal.

Here are a few things that have helped me:

• Setting boundaries: It's okay to say, "I'm not comfortable discussing my child's health."

• Educating myself: Understanding my children's conditions has given me the confidence to respond when I choose to.

• Building a support network: Sharing experiences with other complex parents has been invaluable.

• Practicing self-care: Taking time for myself helps me cope with the stress of these interactions.

Remember, we are not obligated to share our children's medical histories with strangers. Our priority is to protect our children and our own mental well-being. It's okay to feel angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. We're not alone.

What are your experiences with this? How do you cope with intrusive questions? Let's share our stories and support each other.